


One-Shot Journal

by Nalu14126



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor, Team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-05-29 20:46:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6393220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nalu14126/pseuds/Nalu14126
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a compilation of Stargate Sg-1 one shots. Most, if not all, should be humorous. Enjoy! :) -This work can also be found on Fanfiction.net under the same author name. Also new One-shots will be being added, however it will be marked as complete, as all one-shots inside are completed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Entry One- Typical

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any prompts or ideas for a one shot please let me know in a comment! Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy.

"Daniel, are you almost done yet? You've been at it for _hours._ " Came Jack's ever petulant voice.

"Jack, we've been here for _maybe_ twenty minutes, so no, I'm not almost done."

"Well can you hurry it up?

Daniel put his head in his hands.

"No, I cant ' _hurry it_ up'." He lifted his head and gestured at the wall in front of him, that was covered in alien text. _"_ But if you'd like to try figuring out the alien language, then by all means be my guest."

Jack stared blankly at the wall. "Well that one kinda looks like a triangle." He pointed at one of the symbols on the wall, that did indeed, look like a triangle.

"Will you look at that! He's solved it! Who would have guessed that you could learn a language by figuring out that one character looks like a triangle!" Daniel exclaimed with false cheer.

"Okay, okay, I get it, leave rock boy to his rocks."

Daniel sighed. "Why are even still here?"

Jack raised his hand to his heart. "I'm offended Daniel, can't I be interested in what you're doing?"

"Jack, when it comes to you, no you can't."

Sighing Jack responded, "Fine, I'm here to make sure you don't touch something like you did last time."

"Hey! How was I supposed to know it would blow up? It's not like ruins _typically_ blow up."

"No they don't _typically_ blow up, but when it comes to you, when has anything been typical?"

Daniel opened and closed his mouth, before going back to his work with a 'humph', Jack grinned triumphantly.

"Huh, that's interesting..."

"What is it?" Jack asked, moving around to peer over Daniel's shoulder.

"Jaaack." Daniel complained, reaching up an absent hand to swat him away.

Jack moved back, coming up on his right instead. "Well? What is it?"

"There appears to be an indent on this character. Like it can be pushed in..."

He reached out a hand to touch it.

"Daniel!" Jack yelled, reaching out a hand to tug Daniel's back.

But it was too late. Daniel had already pushed the character into the wall. There was a pause where neither of them moved.

"Huh." Daniel remarked. "Nothing hap-" He was cut off as the ground started to rumble.

"That's not good." Jack remarked just as the ground and temple started shaking. Ruble started falling around them.

"And that's our cue to leave." Jack yelled over the noise.

Grabbing Daniel's arm Jack pulled him to the entrance. The pair had just made it outside when the entire thing collapsed into a heap. Daniel and Jack turned to stare at the remains of the temple.

"Only you Daniel, only you." Jack said with a sigh.

Daniel stared at the heap of rubble sadly.

"My camera was still in there..." He muttered.


	2. Entry Two- Pink Dye

Sam was walking back to her office, it had been a long day. But she still had to finish one more thing before going home. She was about to step into her office when she noticed Jack. He was sitting at one of the tables in her office, hunched over a piece of paper and scribbling furiously.

"Ah, sir?"

"Yes Carter?" He responded absently.

"What exactly are you doing?"

Jack looked up and smiled, an almost evil glint in his eyes. "Plotting"

She came over to see what he was doing on the piece of paper, and found it covered in doodles.

"With stick men?"

"Ah huh." He didn't look up from the page.

"The one with glasses is Daniel, isn't it?" She asked with a sigh.

This time he looked up and gave her a manic grin. "Yep."

"Why is he, ah, tied up in a closet?"

The grin faded. "I broke one of his rocks…"

"Oh no." Everyone knew that you did _not_ mess with Daniel's artifacts. "What did he do?"

"He, ah," Jack coughed. "He, um, _may_ have put pink hair dye in my shampoo…"

She fought hard, she really did, but in the end she lost. She ended up having to lean on the table, she was laughing so hard. After she a had managed to get control of the laughter, although a smile was still firmly planted on her face, she looked up to meet Jack's glaring face.

"So _that's_ why you didn't show up to work yesterday."

"Yeah…" He muttered.

She looked closer at his hair and smiled. You could still see a bit of pink in it.

"I just hope no one looks too closely at your hair."

Jack blanched.

She couldn't help it, she burst out laughing again. Jack moved past her, paper clutched in his hands. Angrily muttering about doomed archeologists, which just made her laugh harder.


	3. Entry Three- Ribbons

"Um, you have a little something in your hair." Daniel remarked, a wide grin on his face.

"Daniel…" Jack growled angrily.

Just when he thought it couldn't get any worse, Sam and Teal'c entered the room.

"I can't find any of th-" Sam stopped suddenly, taking in Jack's appearance. She let out a snicker before raining herself in, the battle not to laugh evident on her face.

"O'Neill, I do not understand the purpose of the pi-"

"Aht," Jack raised his hand up to point it at Teal'c menacingly, "Don't you dare say it."

Teal'c looked at Jack, one eyebrow raised, obviously confused.

"It's alright Teal'c," Daniel said still looking at Jack, a mischievous glint in his eye that did not bode will for a certain colonel.

"Jack's just trying to look pretty." His voice dropped down to a mock whisper. "Although between you and me, it's going to take a lot more to make that a pretty sight."

"Hey!" Jack cried indignantly.

"Well it's not untrue sir." Sam said, an evil smirk on her face.

"Carterrr." He moaned petulantly.

"Just saying the truth sir." She replied with an innocent smile. Jack however, was not fooled.

He knew he had to do something now, before they did something he would regret.

"You guys better not breathe a _word_ of this to _anyone_." He growled, shooting his best glare at them.

Suddenly a bright flash engulfed the room.

"Whoops." Came Sam's decidedly unapologetic voice.

She had a camera out in front of her, obviously having just taken a picture of him.

"Carter!"

Daniel came a bit closer to him. "What's the matter Jack? Big bad Black-Ops colonel afraid of people seeing him with pink ribbons in his hair?" He asked with a innocent smile plastered on his face.

"Daniel so help me." He ground out.

Just then all of their phones beeped, saving Daniel from impending doom, in the form of one very ticked off colonel. He had a bad feeling about this. Reaching into his pocket and fishing out his phone, he turned it on, and impending sense of doom hanging over him.

Sure enough, when he opened up his phone he was met by an email from Carter. On it was a picture of him, glaring in an attempt to look menacing, an attempted that was thwarted by the state of his hair. Tuffs of his short hair were sticking up in the air, held together by pink ribbons. Slowly he looked up to check who Sam had sent it to. _Please let it just be Sg-1._

His sense of doom tripled.

"Carter tell me you didn't." He looked up furiously, the smile on her face didn't show the smallest trace of guilt.

Daniel's laughter suddenly filled the room. "Oh my gosh!" He exclaimed between laughs. "You sent it to everyone at the SGC."

"I do not understand the humour at Colonel O'Neill's hair." Teal'c was staring at them like they had grown second heads.

He almost felt sorry for the big guy. _Almost_.

He stalked out of the room, leaving two hysterical scientist and one confused Jaffa behind.

This was the last time he looked after General Hammond's nieces.


	4. Entry Four- Coffee

**Coffee**

* * *

"Jack! Jack!" Daniel came bolting into his office like he was on fire, Daniel stopped by his desk, slightly breathless.

Jack wasn't sure if he was more exasperated or concerned. "What is it this time Daniel?"

Daniel looked over at him from where he was rummaging around his office apparently looking for something.

"Do you have coffee?"

"That's what this is about?" He asked, slightly incredulous, although this is Daniel he was talking about so really he shouldnt be all that surprised. Speaking of which...

"How did you even find my office? I don't tell people I even have one."

Daniel absently responded while continuing to search his office like a crazed man. "Please Jack, when it's something this important, that's barely and obstacle."

"Uhmmm, okay then." He wasn't exactly sure how to deal with a Daniel who hadn't had coffee recently, he'd never had to deal with outside of a Goa'uld cell, and they often had more pressing issues on their minds in those situations.

"Shouldn't you go ask Carter if she has coffee? Isn't she addicted to the stuff almost as much as you are?"

Daniel visibly shuddered, turning to Jack and looking at him like he was insane.

"Tried that already. She's been without coffee for longer than me, lets just say it didn't go well."

Jack shuddered too, imagining the pure horror of Carter without coffee. He'd sooner get between a mother bear and her cubs.

"Well sorry to disappoint Danny-boy, but there's not coffee here. Some of us actually sleep to get our energy."

Daniel turned to him, applying the full force of his puppy dog eyes.

"Please Jack, you have to help me, I have three reports on artifacts that need to be done by the end of the day, and I have to consult Roger on that miniature statue from P8K-276. I _need_ coffee." The last part came out as a near yell.

Jack, not willing to further antagonize man, grudgingly agreed. An hour later and they had looked practically everywhere yet it seemed the whole of the SGC was suffering from a coffee crisis. Daniel had become increasingly more agitated as time went on, and frankly Jack was starting to fear for his life.

"Why don't we ask Teal'c?" Daniel was grasping at straws, and Jack could tell he knew it too.

"If you want to." He honestly didn't care anymore, but this sure beat doing paperwork, and if Hammond asked why it wasn't done all he would have to say is 'Daniel was uncaffeinated.' and he'd be off the hook.

Ten minutes later and they somehow ended up on the floor of Teal'c's quarters drinking coffee. He wasn't exactly clear on why Teal'c had coffee, but he had to admit it was the smartest thing anyone has ever done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one wasn't my best, but oh well.


	5. Entry Five- Campfire Stories

**Campfire Stories**

* * *

"And then he came back, only to find his father's head stuck onto the cars antenna..." It was silent bar for the crackle of fire for a moment, before it was broken but a snort, shortly followed but stifled giggles.

"Hey! Don't laugh this is serious." Jack cried indignantly while the two youngest members of the time tried in vain not to laugh.

Daniel looked up, a wide smile on his face, "I'm sorry Jack, but on the car antenna. Really?"

Sam snorted. "The antenna wouldn't have even been able to hold the weight of the head. So it would have just been this broken antenna and decapitated head impaled by said antenna on the ground, and a blood smear on the car."

While saying the last part Sam had been struggling not to laugh, and now had burst out into laughter, clutching her chest and doubled over. To her right Daniel had ended up in a similar position. Jack just sighed and shook his head, watching the pair.

"No respect, you know, if I had gotten a conventional team you all would have faked being scared, because you would actually have _some_ respect for your superior."

"But then Jack, who would let you know when you're being an ass?" Daniel choked out between laughs.

Jack just sat back and grumbled underneath his breath. Once Daniel and Sam had calmed down he turned to Teal'c.

"T, why don't you tell a story." He turned to glare at Sam and Daniel, "At least you might be granted some respect."

Sam and Daniel both smiled innocently at Jack's jab at them.

"I don't understand this Tauri ritual, Jaffa believe in telling stories of winning great battles, not telling stories designed to frighten." Teal'c said, stoic as ever.

Jack just sighed and turned to look at the two mockers of his horrifyingly terrifying story.

"Fine, if mine was so awful why don't the two of you tell a story."

"Ah... No thanks Jack I'm good."

"Same here Sir, I'm not much for horror stories."

Jack sighed for what must have been the thousandth time.

"So you're telling me you mocked my story, only to turn around and say you won't share one of your own."

The two scientists shared a look.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"I'm going to write you both up for insubordination."

Daniel and Sam smiled patronizingly.

"You do that Jack."

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked the one-shots that are up so far! Remember, more are on the way, so be sure to check back! Don't forget to leave a prompt or one shot suggestion if you want!  
> P.s. Don't be afraid to drop a kudos, you know you want to. ;)


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